Questions for Couples
82 questions · By Dima Tretyak, creator of DeepTalk · Updated
Couples who've been together a while tend to run on the same few topics: work, plans, what's for dinner. It's not a problem, it's just what happens. The questions below are for breaking that loop, whether you've been dating for three months or married for twenty years.
They're grouped by what you want out of the conversation: a laugh, a deeper talk, a gentle check-in, or a plan for the future. Some come from the question decks in the DeepTalk app, and the rest were written for this page.
Deep questions for couples
For a long dinner or a late night. One question can easily fill an hour.
- 1What's something you believed about love before we met that you don't believe anymore?
- 2What part of your childhood shows up most in how you love?
- 3What's a fear about us you've never said out loud?
- 4When do you feel most like the best version of yourself around me?
- 5What do you think each of us brings out in the other?
- 6What's something you're grieving, big or small, that I might not know about?
- 7What's a question you've always wanted me to ask you?
- 8What does home mean to you now, compared to when you were a kid?
- 9What do you hope people notice about us when they see us together?
- 10What's the most important thing you've learned about yourself since we got together?
Fun questions for couples
Low stakes, high laughs. More in our this or that questions.
- 11If we were a famous duo, who would we be?
- 12What's our most chaotic memory together?
- 13Which of us would survive longer in a horror movie, and why?
- 14What's the dumbest fight we've ever had?
- 15If we opened a small business together, what would it be?
- 16What's a couples costume we absolutely have to do one day?
- 17What's a running joke between us you hope never dies?
- 18If our life were a sitcom, what would the opening scene be?
- 19What's the weirdest thing you've learned about me since we started dating?
Rather play than scroll? DeepTalk deals these out one card at a time.
Questions for emotional connection
Closeness is built in small moments. These help you name them.
- 20What's a moment you felt deeply understood by me?
- 21When you've had a rough day, what do you want from me first: words, a hug, or quiet?
- 22What's a non-sexual way we can feel closer?
- 23How do you define emotional intimacy?
- 24What makes you feel wanted by me in everyday life?
- 25When do you find it hardest to open up to me?
- 26What's a small ritual that makes you feel connected to me?
- 27What kind of affection would you like more of, like hugs or holding hands?
- 28What's a memory of us that makes you feel warm every time you think of it?
- 29How has the way we show affection changed since we first got together?
Relationship check-in questions
A monthly check-in keeps small things from becoming big ones. Ask gently and listen fully.
- 30On a scale from one to ten, how connected have you felt to me this month, and what would move it up a point?
- 31What's one thing I did recently that you appreciated but didn't mention?
- 32What have you been holding back from saying because the timing never felt right?
- 33What's taking up most of your mental energy right now?
- 34How balanced does our split of chores and planning feel to you?
- 35What's one thing we should start doing, and one thing we should stop?
- 36Where do you feel we've grown the most as a couple this year?
- 37What do you need from me when you're under pressure?
- 38How do you think we're doing at having fun together lately?
- 39What's a boundary that matters to you that I should know about?
Date night questions
For the table, the drive home, or a night in. Need more? See our date night questions.
- 40What's a date idea you've wanted to try but never suggested?
- 41What was your favorite date of ours, and what made it work?
- 42If we had one night and no budget, where would we go?
- 43What's a cheap date you think is underrated?
- 44What's a hobby you'd like us to try on a date?
- 45Which restaurant would you pick for our anniversary, and why that one?
- 46What song should always be playing on our date nights?
- 47What's something from your childhood you'd like to share with me on a date?
- 48What's a date that went wrong but became a great story?
Questions for new couples
For the first few months, when you're still learning how the other person works. Just met? Start with our first date questions.
- 49What made you want a second date with me?
- 50What's a first impression of me that turned out to be wrong?
- 51What do you usually keep to yourself in the first few months of dating?
- 52What's a question you want to ask me but feel it's too early for?
- 53How much time do you like with a partner versus on your own?
- 54What's something from your dating past that shaped what you look for now?
- 55What does moving too fast feel like to you?
- 56What's a green flag you noticed in me early on?
Questions for long-term and married couples
For couples who think they've heard it all. You haven't. Newly married? Try our newlywed questions.
- 57What's something about me that took years to understand?
- 58What routine of ours do you love the most?
- 59When did our relationship first feel like a real partnership?
- 60What was the hardest season of our relationship, and what got us through it?
- 61What's a way we've changed each other for the better?
- 62Which of our early dating habits deserves a comeback?
- 63How do we keep feeling like a couple and not just roommates?
- 64What do you want our next ten years to have more of?
- 65What promise, spoken or unspoken, matters most to you now?
Questions about communication and conflict
Talk about how you argue when you're not arguing. It makes the next disagreement easier.
- 66How can I tell when you're upset but not ready to talk?
- 67What's a phrase I use in arguments that makes things worse?
- 68What helps you calm down after a fight?
- 69How do you want me to bring up something that's bothering me?
- 70What's an argument we keep having that we could actually solve?
- 71How do you feel about taking a break in the middle of a hard conversation?
- 72What do you need to hear from me after we've made up?
- 73Which of your family's habits around arguing do you want to keep, and which not?
Questions about your future together
For planning, dreaming, and making sure you're pointed the same way.
- 74What are three things you want our life to include in five years?
- 75What's a big decision coming up that we should start talking about now?
- 76How do you want to split our time between friends, family and each other?
- 77What's a trip that belongs on our someday list?
- 78What would you like us to save up for?
- 79How do you feel about where we live right now, long term?
- 80What values do you want at the center of our home?
- 81What's a worry about the future that we should face together?
- 82What does a well-lived life look like to you when we're old?
How to use these questions
- Both answer every question. Hearing two answers to the same question is where the good conversations start.
- Pick a section for the mood: fun ones for a drive, deep ones for dinner, check-in questions for a calm evening.
- Keep check-in and conflict questions out of arguments. Ask them when things are good.
- Follow up once before moving on: "Why that one?" or "When did you first feel that?"
- Make it a habit. A few questions every week does more than one long talk a year.
Play them as cards instead
DeepTalk deals questions like these one card at a time, with 20 decks and over 2,000 questions for couples and friends.
Frequently asked questions
What are good questions to ask your partner?
Good questions are open-ended and personal without being loaded, like "What's a small ritual that makes you feel connected to me?" or "What's a date idea you've wanted to try but never suggested?" Take turns answering and follow up before moving on.
What are deep questions for couples?
Deep questions look at how you've changed and what you mean to each other, like "What's something you believed about love before we met that you don't believe anymore?" They work best at a slow dinner or late at night, with phones away.
How often should couples do a relationship check-in?
Many couples find once a month is enough to catch small issues early. Keep it short: a few check-in questions, one thing that's going well, and one thing to try next month.
What questions should couples ask before getting married?
Talk about money, where you want to live, kids, family roles, and how you handle conflict. The future and communication sections on this page are a good start, and our newlywed questions cover the first years of marriage.